For the past two weeks I've been researching how to kill myself. I think I'm almost ready to do it.


I’ve been where you are, more then once and trust me i know what its like… i know how useless it feels to take meds, or to see a psyche, because it feels like no one understands, they all just say the same thing… it’ll be okay. you need to be more positive etc etc. but it doesn’t seem to ever be true. all i can say to you is that there are so many people in this world who experience what you experience, they will never know what goes on in your head but they can understand and they are still alive, they are still kickin it, like me. 

you can’t let the world defeat you. its so easy to love yourself if you open your mind to the idea. i got so fucking sick of hating myself, of everyone making me doubt myself or not feel good enough. i’m still very much mentally ill, i still struggle every day with just getting out of bed and continuing on… but its worth it… its really really worth it, waking up every day and knowing that i am fucking incredible no matter what anyone says to me, and that i can literally do whatever the fuck i want in this world if i just make a bit of noise and fight. 

and that terrifies people, to know that someone loves themselves and that gives them all the power in the entire world. 

so before you do anything terrible to yourself… just try waking up each day and telling yourself you love yourself and you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks and that you’re going to kick ass today… fuck mental illness, fuck the sad feelings, you’re going to have a good day… tell yourself that and just see what happens… okay?